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February Air by ~Final-Preacher:iconFinal-Preacher:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Romantic > Other Romance > Fixed


I know I saw you...
Pretended I didn't remember....
That it's all lost...
With so much on my mind,
I found my way back to you...

Where was your smile?
Gave up 'cause I lost my place...
I try to make up,
But smiling back just can't cut it now...

In the February air, I held your hand...
The words, - I remeber the wind in your hair that danced,
You're smiling in my sleep, a dream that doesn't ever change,
- But where's the dream now?
It's fading, quickly to white...

Where was your smile?
Gave up 'cause I lost my place...
That place on your lips...
Want to make it up,
And I'm just dreaming of you now...

In the February air, I held your hand...
The words, - I remeber the wind in your hair that danced,
You're smiling in my sleep, a dream that - that doesn't ever change,
- But where's the dream now?
It's fading, quickly to light...

And you smiled ... As I held your hand... In February air.

Tears moisten those eyes,
Loved me and scarred your face
I try to wipe...
To wipe away the ice...
Ice covered landscape.

In the February air, I held your hand...
The words, - I remeber the wind in your hair that danced,
You're smiling in my sleep, a dream that doesn't ever change,
- But where's the dream now?
It's fading, quickly to light...

And you smiled ... In February air.
©2005-2009 ~Final-Preacher
:iconfinal-preacher:

Author's Comments

Nothing too great, but a song I got in my head from obsessing over accousitc Jrock... and seeing a certain someone on the bus...
XD
well, I kinda stole the structure for it... and the whole idea of dreaming, but I guess thats why it came into my head...
I guess you guys are still waiting for something original from me... XD haha, joking...

Comments


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:iconepthumia:
~Epthumia Jun 10, 2005, 11:20:27 AM
Mmmm, the metaphore in this was drool-worthy.

This was lovely, i quite enjoyed it, and i don't usually enjoy non-metered poetry, so this was special.
Most especially this line "You're smiling in my sleep, a dream that doesn't change" That was particularly nice. A little play on words. Quite quite nice.

--
Often there is no more than a little plaque to reveal that, against all gynecological probability, someone very famous was born halfway up a wall
:iconblk-whte:
~Blk-Whte Jun 10, 2005, 9:02:56 PM
Hello - mind if I pop in?

I'm just browsing through random artists random deviations, and I happened to stumble apon this. I'm going to go ahead and sift through this, if I may. If anything sounds too incoherent, please stop me.

If I look close it seems like there is a lack of punctuation that makes the first parts of the first two stanzas flow together. I don't know if this is intended, but if read outloud, it makes it sound a bit rushed/awkward. If I keep looking it looks as if this issue isn't reoccuring throughout the rest of the poem.
--

"Tears moisten those eyes,
loved me and scarred your face"

Personally, this doesn't make sense. If you could explain it to me, that would be wonderful. I'm quite curious to how this is turning out.
--

I do agree with the above comment. "You're smiling in my sleep, a dream that doesn't change" is a very nice line indeed. I'm quite envious. ;) Also, I found that this little line caught my eye..

"I try to wipe away...
Ice from a frozen landscape."

All I can say - Nice job.
--

I think thats about it for my rambling. Please bear with me - I'm on a caffine high. I must be intolerable.

Overall, I like this. Looking forward to seeing more.
(If you have time, pop by my gallery. I could use some attention.)
:iconfinal-preacher:
~Final-Preacher Jun 11, 2005, 3:58:10 PM
Hi again!~ Thanks for stopping by!~
I'm glad you liked it!~
Please, please, please feel freee to look at my other stuff too, I'd despereratly like to have some inpu on my other stuff too!~

--
yo guys, help me pwn this foo! ~ [link] ~

~Ima Mo Aishiteru Wasurenai Kara~
:iconfinal-preacher:
~Final-Preacher Jun 11, 2005, 3:59:49 PM
Quite honestly, I wrote this one very late at night as well, - which should explain the intolernt lack of grammer, and.... confusion. I'll try fix up some stuff now... if DA lets me edit, some of my edits do not seem to go through.

--
yo guys, help me pwn this foo! ~ [link] ~

~Ima Mo Aishiteru Wasurenai Kara~
:iconepthumia:
~Epthumia Jun 22, 2005, 6:13:54 AM
I'll give it a try when i have time.

--
Often there is no more than a little plaque to reveal that, against all gynecological probability, someone very famous was born halfway up a wall
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June 7, 2005
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